Director Tarsem Singh has made ‘Immortals‘ a visually stunning movie with both scenery and actors, but that doesn’t hide the fact that the story is quite the hot mess. He could have learned something from watching a few episodes of Starz’ ‘Spartacus‘ for storytelling.
‘Immortals‘ is definitely one of those films that looks great and is less filling and won’t tax anyone’s mind. It’s pure escapism for both men and women of all walks of life. It’s that film that women will gladly go to with their boyfriends to check out some hardcore male bodies so you can be sure this film will do well in its opening weekend. The fact that the film disregards some history like the fact that Socrates came along much later than 1228 BC, but quotes in the film are still used from him. I guess we can call that the Nostradamus effect of some intent foresight.
Director Singh is best known for the Jennifer Lopez movie, ‘The Cell’, which was just incredibly beautiful to watch. With the ‘Immortals‘, it feels like he was solely focusing on creating another visually stunning film and keeping his fingers crossed that our next ‘Superman’, Henry Cavill, would be able to work through some godawful dialogue. I’m sure making sure Cavill’s 8-pack was on constant display might help distract moviegoers from all the flaws. Now, I’m not saying many won’t enjoy the intense violence in 3D plus seeing Mickey Rourke’s Hyperion do some crazy damage to an ally like striking him in the crotch with a very large mallet (and that’s not some homoerotic subtext…unless you’re into the gut punching fringe fetish).
What’s interesting is that while the ‘Immortals’ looks nothing like any other Greek mythology type film, the story feels like every other movie we’ve seen. It couldn’t have been easy for Singh trying to walk the delicate balance of creating stunning 3D visuals while keeping what could have been an interesting story intact, but it doesn’t seem like he had much of a script to begin with.
Even the plot is hard to describe since it feels like the actors did some schizophrenic improv with dialogue that just meandered along giving us hope that if we stuck with it, there’d be a killer ending making us forget the mess we’d had to sit through. Many people will undoubtedly compare this to Zack Snyder’s ’300‘ (which looks like ‘Lawrence Of Arabia’ compared to this one). The main gist of the film is that King Hyperion (Rourke) thinks that he can win his war with the Greeks by freeing the imprisoned Turks in Mount Tartarus. I can get into just going with the flow of a movie’s story, but many of us were curious as to why Hyperion was in a war with the Greeks to begin with. That might better explain things better and his journey to find the magical Bow of Epirus.
Even the plot is hard to describe since it feels like the actors did some schizophrenic improv with dialogue that just meandered along giving us hope that if we stuck with it, there’d be a killer ending making us forget the mess we’d had to sit through. Many people will undoubtedly compare this to Zack Snyder’s ’300‘ (which looks like ‘Lawrence Of Arabia’ compared to this one). The main gist of the film is that King Hyperion (Rourke) thinks that he can win his war with the Greeks by freeing the imprisoned Turks in Mount Tartarus. I can get into just going with the flow of a movie’s story, but many of us were curious as to why Hyperion was in a war with the Greeks to begin with. That might better explain things better and his journey to find the magical Bow of Epirus.
This leads Hyperion to get with the virgin oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto), who’s looking for the Bow herself while obviously resisting giving up her precious virginity to a Greek peasant named Theseus (Henry Cavill), who wants revenge against Hyperion for slaughtering his mother. Sorry, I just had to add that part in since it’s hard to buy this aspect of the film, but suspending disbelief is what this film is truly all about…or else you’ll give yourself a migraine trying to remember back to that college course you took in Greek mythology to pick apart all the historical liberties ‘Immortals’ takes. Obviously, knowing that Theseus has an ax to grind with Hyperion should keep us on the edge of our seats wondering if he’ll get his revenge, but tThe crew I saw this film with just sat with their mouths open wondering how much worse the dialogue was going to get.
One really nice aspect of Singh’s direction was the way that he directs the battle scenes and differentiates between man and god by slowing down the speed for the gods while the men fight in real time. One line that made everyone in the audience break out laughing was Mickey Rourke saying “A man’s seed can be his most dangerous weapon.” I was almost wondering if they were going to start talking about STD’s or something, but like with everything else in the film, there’s no need for explanation before we’re whisked along with more beautiful eye candy including Cavill’s abs, Pintos curvaceous body and Rourke’s odd looking helmet.
Thinking back on it now, the ‘Immortals’ feels like one of those dreams we’ve all had where we’re just jumping around from one scene to another without anything tying the sequences together. Cavill gives us an idea that he will be able to pull off playing Superman since he somehow manages to get through some of his awful lines with a shred of dignity, and Mickey Rourke is that rare actor who just gives his crazy role everything he has.
So if you’re wondering about the finale of the film…it’s just as spectacular to look at as you’d think with this type of film, and there’s plenty of warriors flying through the air with a soundtrack that will rattle your body in the seat. If you can get to a theater that doesn’t have a muddy screen (sadly this can be hard to find even in New York or Los Angeles), ‘Immortals’ is worth checking out for this. You’ll definitely get a giggle in for some of the over the top theatrics and dialogue that sounds like it was written in crayon so it won’t be a wasted night at the movies.
Best Movies Ever Rating: C-
The only reason why I’m ranking ‘Immortal’s’ this high is that it’s such a visually stunning film, that can’t be ignored. The awful dialogue and storytelling bring down a film that could have been amazing if not for those little details.
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